A Deep Dive Into Myself: Grandmother Ayahuasca, The Dieta, and the Jungle
When you embark on a journey of self-discovery, the path will lead you through uncharted territories, both within and without. As I have shared the journey began in the vibrant heart of the Peruvian jungle where I explored the depths of my consciousness through the transformative experiences with ayahuasca and a master plant immersion (called a Dieta). With a humble heart, I wish to share a bit about the journey I encountered along the way regarding the medicine itself and the dieta—my partners in this intimate voyage.
Setting the Stage: A Call to the Jungle
Months before my journey began, I felt an undeniable calling. The familiar comforts of my spiritual life began to feel constricting. I was yearning for something deeper, something that transcended my current existence. During this restless period, I came across “The Embodied Transformation, ” a 16-day “Master Plant Immersion Into the Jungle.” I knew this was what my spirit was calling for. The notion of a potent plant medicine journey that would allow me to explore the depths of my psyche felt tantalizing and intimidating.
After answering the call, I immersed myself in a traditional dieta to prepare for the journey. This process involves consuming a restricted diet and abstaining from certain substances to prepare the body and mind for the transformative experience ahead. I knew this could be a challenging endeavor, yet it seemed essential to honor the medicine and its profound power, and I was ready to face myself. Well, so I thought 🙂
The Arrival: Embracing the Unknown
Upon my arrival in the jungle, I was captivated by its vibrant energy—the falling leaves (and at times the falling trees), the symphony of insects, and the distant calls of exotic creatures. I felt a mixture of excitement and apprehension. The intensity of the atmosphere was palpable, and I was acutely aware that I was stepping into a realm governed by natural forces far greater than myself.
As I settled into the retreat center and my tree house, I met my fellow participants, each with their own stories and reasons for being there. We soon bonded over our shared intention to seek healing, clarity, and transformation. It was comforting to know we were not alone, even as we each prepared to embark on our individual journeys of ego-facing.
The First Ceremony: An Ocean of Emotions
The first ayahuasca ceremony was powerful and surreal. Under the guidance of an experienced shaman, Don Loyvier, we gathered in a candle-lit maloca, a sacred ceremonial space where the boundaries of time and reality dissolve. As I sat on my mat, I felt a wave of anxiety wash over me; I thought, “I am about to confront myself.”
When the shaman began to sing icaros—traditional healing songs—I felt an immediate connection to something beyond myself. It was as if the very essence of the jungle was calling out to me. Then came the moment when I consumed the ayahuasca brew. Served with reverence and sacred intention, I received and drank Grandmother Ayahuasca.
The bitterness of the potion mirrored the complexity of my emotions. As the medicine coursed through my veins, I braced myself for the journey that lay ahead.
As the sounds of the icaros continued, I found myself in a symphony of visions that both captivated and entertained me. Grandmother was showing herself to me. “Look at what I can do,” I heard. She was nonthreatening and light-hearted. It was beautiful, like nothing I’ve ever seen or felt. She showed me what it felt like to open the lower chakras, scanning by physiology in the exact places where I had past physical trauma and much more.. Amazing! The intelligence of this medicine.
And then, the second cup was offered and consumed.
A wave of emotions surged through me, accompanied by vivid visions of fractals that transformed into narratives—joy, fear, anger, and sadness intertwining. I confronted memories of long-buried, painful experiences tucked away in the far corners of my subconscious mind. The power and intelligence of the medicine unearthed these emotions, and in doing so, I felt both liberated and extremely vulnerable; seeing my shadow was not easy. The night seemed to last forever. When the ceremony was over, I still felt the medicine, so I decided to stay in the maloca for the rest of the early morning until the break of dawn. I was too afraid to walk back to my tree house.
The next day was spent integrating and processing our experiences.
Two Days Later – The Second Ceremony
As the second ayahuasca ceremony approached, I felt a sense of trepidation. The power of the first experience had left an indelible mark, and I wondered how the medicine would guide me this time.
Once again, I settled on my mat, anticipating the journey ahead. As the shaman sang the icaros, I surrendered to the experience, letting go of my expectations. The medicine began to weave its magic again, revealing even deeper layers of my consciousness; I knew I was going to be taken into the underworld.
The second journey was unlike anything I had ever experienced; it was a profound tapestry woven with vivid visions and intense feelings that enveloped me in an almost tangible way, as if I could reach out and touch them. Each image danced before my eyes with extraordinary clarity while emotions surged through me like a powerful tide. Recognizing the depth of what I was encountering, I instinctively called for support from the staff, seeking guidance to navigate the profound landscape I found myself in.
Throughout that night, I was confronted by the intricate lessons surrounding ego, fear, and judgment—forces that often shape our thoughts and actions in subtle yet significant ways. The medicine revealed the shadow ego, that insidious part of myself that thrives on fear and self-doubt. In striking detail, it showed me how this shadow side can be incredibly damaging, not only to oneself but also to relationships and my surroundings.
The visions were accompanied by a visceral understanding of the impact of these fearful thoughts and judgments. I could almost feel the weight of self-criticism pressing down on me, suffocating my true essence and stifling the light within. It was a stark reminder of how easily we fall into patterns limiting growth and clouding our perception of reality.
As the night unfolded, I realized that these lessons were not simply for my gain but served as an invitation to embrace vulnerability and authenticity. With this invitation, I could explore the depths of these feelings and visions, examining how the ego’s fears distort perceptions and lead me away from love and connection. Amid this journey, I began to uncover the healing potential of surrendering to the experience, allowing me to release the grip of judgment and embrace a more compassionate view of myself and others.
This journey was a testament to the power of introspection, revealing how deeply intertwined our experiences of fear and judgment are with the shadow aspects of our ego. It became clear that awareness was the first step toward transformation, illuminating the path to a more liberated existence. Each vibrant vision and intense feeling was like a guiding star, leading me deeper into the heart of the lessons that awaited me, urging me to confront and ultimately transcend the limitations that had held me captive.
The Dieta: Lessons from the Teacher Plant
The second ceremony also opened the way for the 8-day, 7-night Dieta.
The dieta aspect of my journey was equally transformative and challenging. During this time, I partnered with a teacher plant—an ally that would guide me through my healing, which was activated from the second ceremony. My master plant was the wise sacred Una de Gato (cat’s claw), known for her work on the lower chakras and the underworld. I thought, Perfect. While not without its challenges, this partnership not only deepened my understanding of the intricate relationship between the plant kingdom and our human experience but also escorted me into the deeper aspects of the mysteries of life and the unknown.
For several days, I adhered to a strict diet, avoiding salt, sugar, and stimulants. I consumed only simple foods (I barely ate), creating a clear vessel for the lessons the teacher plant had to share. It was a practice of discipline and humility. Each day, I would sit in solitude, reflecting on my dreams from the night before, listening to the whispers of the jungle and my inner voice. I felt an intense urge to connect with nature on a deeper level, allowing me to appreciate the wisdom it offered.
During this time, moments of stillness became opportunities for reflection. I spent LONG hours drawing, teaching myself to play the native flute, and journaling my thoughts and feelings. The practice of writing became a cathartic outlet for the swirling emotions I was processing. I discovered that as I continued this self-dialogue, new pieces of my identity began to connect, leading to a clearer understanding of myself. I was confronting aspects of my identity that I had long overlooked, addressing layers of my ego that were no longer beneficial, and seeing parts of my ancestral past that would heal present-day choices.
This Dieta was a truly profound experience. I had no idea of the power this could have to deepen my understanding of life. The third ayahuasca ceremony would mark the close of the dieta. It was another amazing but calmer journey. Thank goodness.
The Final Ceremony
Two days before my departure home, the fourth and final ceremony with the medicine marked a significant and poignant moment in my journey, serving as the perfect closure to all that I had experienced in the jungle. This ceremony was a culmination of my personal reflections and learnings and an opportunity to connect deeply with the women around me.
A beautiful aspect of the evening was the collective celebration that emerged. We came together as individuals seeking healing and as a vibrant community celebrating life. The sounds of song and music filled the air, weaving an enchanting rhythm that seemed to ripple through our souls. As the melodies flowed, my heart opened wide, allowing the energies of joy, gratitude, and love to pour in.
As the ceremony drew close, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and fulfillment wash over me. I knew that this was not just an end but a new beginning, a continuation of the lessons learned and the love shared throughout my time in the jungle. With each note of the song, I felt a profound sense of gratitude for the experiences that had shaped my journey, and I carried that feeling with me as I prepared to return home.
Integration: Bringing the Jungle Home – A Humble Journey Forward
As my time in the jungle ended, I encountered the challenge of integration. How will I navigate the softening of my heart with the loud sounds of the world?
The surreal experience of my journey has become deeply integrated into my being, making it an essential part of my path as I transition back into the outside world. I recognize that this process will be ongoing, filled with moments of reflection and quiet understanding.
I carry the lessons of the jungle and the teachings of the teacher plants within me. This journey of self-exploration is not a destination but rather an ongoing process—a beautiful dance between the depths of my soul and the wild, untamed nature of the world around me.
May we all find the courage to dive deep into the waters of our being and emerge transformed, even more radiant in our authenticity.
Thank you for reading.
Aho!
